We – meaning several hundred employees including myself – just received a scary yet all too common email from one of the companies countless Overlords. I won’t bore you with all the details, for I am not fluent in Manager Speak nor do I ever intend to be, and besides it all boils down to two simple sentences:
The softening market reinforces the need for this strategy and we must be decisive to position our business successfully in a competitive market. Together, all this means we need to take further action to reduce our costs and as a result we will undertake a significant number of redundancies across the business.
I assume the person that sent it will not be losing his job. He can’t. His job title has many words in in, none of which make any sense to me. Maybe that’s the whole point.
Here’s another good one:
I respect and appreciate the personal impacts this may have on you.
Yeah? That’s just peachy, man in suit that never talks to his inferiors and drives a convertible car produced in Germany. I think I just might be impacted by suddenly having no income.
I particularly love this gem:
Finally I’d like to encourage you to maintain a strong focus on being the best you can be. Continue to overwhelm your clients with great service and provide your colleagues with the level of support they need as we move forward together.
In other words, don’t let the threat of having no income and all the misery that could ensue from loss of such get in the way of you being just a super awesome and productive employee!
Working is for suckers, people. Your very existence is in the hands of – for the most part – very ignorant and cruel people that don’t care about you. They sit in boardrooms and collectively decide if you are worth something to the company or expendable.
If modern life has taught me anything, it’s to work as hard as you can to not work for someone else and to build your own venture. I’d rather fail on my own terms than “succeed” playing by their rules.
Rise up, fellow salaried slaves. The time has come.