BREAKING NEWS: Carla Gugino Has Man Hands

I watched a film the other day, a Dwayne Johnson vehicle (pun fully intended) called Faster. I enjoyed it, in spite of, or maybe because of, low expectations. For you see, I am a film connoisseur, and to slum it watching some low-rent action flick is to wallow with the great unwashed, cinematically speaking. But it was good. I left my brain at the door, so to speak, and I enjoyed myself.

But there was something quite disturbing in the film, in the third act no less. Carla Gugino, who reportedly replaced Salma Hayek at the 11th hour, answers a call from Billy Bob Thornton’s creepy (does he do anything else?) burnout cop. And a grim discovery was…uh, discovered: Carla Gugino has manhands! She is without question an alluring, sensual, strikingly beautiful actress. I first remember seeing her in the Pauly Shore vehicle (pun not intended, not this time) Son in Law as the female love interest. Gorgeous, gorgeous woman. But those hands….

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