I’m Indifferent, By George!

I have to confess something: I couldn’t give a shit about the royal baby.

Before you point a crooked index digit at me and accuse me of treason, allow me to explain this stance a little. It’s got nothing to do with the little bundle of joy itself, nor the family from which it spawned. I have no issue with these things and truly hope the baby enjoys a happy and healthy life. 

What I object to is the pomp and circumstance surrounding the whole thing. The royal family isn’t to blame for this. We the people clearly soak this stuff up like the needy sponges that we are, and the how-low-can-we-go media is only too happy to oblige the drooling unwashed masses, swooping in on the latest monarchial tidbit like so many flies to the proverbial.

First there was the announcement: Kate is pregnant. Then we had to hear about her morning sickness. Again, I have empathy towards her in the same way I have empathy for any other woman in the universe going through the exact same thing, only without the comfortable life of a royal to break their fall. I implore you, is vomiting from the Crown any more significant than bog-standard commoner regurgitation?

A Google search for Baby George yields over 1.25 million matches. Having a brief look at the hard-hitting journalism on display, we learn the following:

  • William soothes the baby to sleep with Coldplay
  • William plans to leave the baby at home to play charity polo
  • BBC is forced to issue an apology after inadvertently showing pictures of baby George’s penis

If there is more proof needed that we’re devolving as a species, Google will only be too happy to assist. I will concede though, if I’m ever struck with insomnia Coldplay will send me to the land of nod quicker than even the most potent of sleeping pills ever could.

Being a parent myself, I feel for anyone delving into the wonderful and challenging world of new parenthood. Make no mistake, child rearing can be a tough business. George’s nannies will confess to this without haste.