Scanning the Personal Ads

I don’t know what it is about online dating websites that pull me in. I should state, for the sake of full disclosure, that I am a happily married man. My eye is not wandering, nor is any other part of my body for that matter. I remain ever true to my bride with as much enthusiasm as I did on our wedding day, almost nine years ago. I am happy, I am in love, I am committed. And despite being a heterosexual man, I find myself scanning the male profiles as much as the female ones. Again, this is more of a curiosity to me than anything sordid or untoward on my part. At least that’s what I keep telling myself.

I am not quick to judge singles that happen to be around my age, ie. mid-30’s…oh who am I kidding – of course I am! I am in what I believe to be a secure, loving, trusting relationship and that my single friends are simply unlucky in love, my pity for them admittedly more condescending than helpful in any constructive way.

As I scanned males in my area (within a 100km radius), aged between 35 and 40, I came upon a most unexpected sight: my best friend. Of course, I know his marital status. He’s a single man, and has been for as long as I’ve known him, which is twenty years. He’s always confiding in me about dates he goes on, women he meets and inevitably, what caused the relationship to fail. He is truly the most unlucky guy I’ve ever met when it comes to romance. He’s not an unattractive man; in fact, I’ve known several women, my wife included, who remark that he is actually quote fetching in the looks department. He lost his hair about ten years ago and went the rug route, but has since ditched it in favor of the Bruce Willis. And it suits him. He’s got a nicely shaped skull, which lends itself to the bald dome look. Myself, I have bumps and lumps all over my scalp, like an inverted golf ball. Add in my sticky-outy ears and I’d look like Gollum’s understudy if I ever lost my hair.

But back to my pal. So I check out his profile, and I have to admit I’m impressed with his candor when it comes to laying out his stall, so to speak. He’s almost disarmingly honest about what he’s achieved, what he’s about and what he hopes to gain from delving down the online-dating path. He confesses to not being sure if he’ll even find what he’s looking for in such a forum. But what he isn’t doing is what seasoned salespeople refer to as The Hard Sell.

You see, my pal forgot the ABC’s of salesmanship: Always Be Closing. Next time I see him, I might have to let him know a basic principle: sell the sizzle, not the steak. How do you think I’ve managed to stay with the same woman for almost twelve years? My personality? Please.