Rating Woody Allen Impersonations

Woody Allen impressions are like assholes: every one has one. But, much like the anus, very few of them are aesthetically pleasing, or of any value aside from depositing shit.

Kevin Pollack’s attempt at “friend” Woody’s schtick is embarrassingly bad. He’s all hands and adjusting of the thick-framed specs without any actual genuine Woodyisms. This could literally be any garden-variety Jew. He thinks that by putting on the trademark eyewear and flailing his extremities about he’ll cajole an unsuspecting public into believing that he’s channeling Allen Konigsberg, but no. If I shave my head and wear a wristband halfway up my arm, I don’t claim to be Michael Jeffrey Jordan.

Verdict: 2/10. Stick to your day job, Kevin. Oh wait, that’s acting and comedy. Try something else. Shots fired.

Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon’s effort is passable at best. Props for the degree of difficulty, what with neither actor being American and all. But again, like Pollack, they tend to rely on exaggerated hand gestures to drive the point home, and I don’t recall Woody ever actually doing that.

Verdict: 6/10. Solid if unspectacular attempt, lads.

Not bad, not bad at all! Again, points for degree of difficulty coming from a female perspective. Nice pauses which Woody was known for, and the mention of Yonkers gets style points. Bravo!

Verdict: A diamond in the rough. 7/10.

From Mad TV. Hilarious, and a much better effort than the rest.

Verdict: 7.5/10.

Richard Jordan. Literally the worst impression of anyone ever in the history of the world. Don’t put on the glasses, Dick. It’s not helping. This is a man on the precipice of a nervous breakdown and best avoided at all costs.

Verdict: 1/10. I don’t even know what the 1 is for. Possibly just for pity.