USA/Canada Trip, October 23rd to 25th, 2001: Vancouver/Montreal

OCTOBER 23rd, 2001

John headed out to Grouse Mountain while Dave and I went to UBC. It was the first time we were out there in daylight, and it didn’t fail to disappoint. The scenery was awesome [2015 Me interjection: Way to paint a picture with words, dufus. Also, I think the previous two sentences contradict each other entirely]. It is a huge campus. We headed to the Pit Pub at about 4pm and started drinking. Pints of Molson were $2! Dave and I downed our fair share of those. John showed up at about 6pm. He enjoyed Grouse Mountain. We got our photo taken with a really cute barmaid. After her shift finished we had a chat with her as well. She was a native Vancouverian and very friendly. We were quite liquored up by this stage so we headed into downtown. We went to the dodgiest looking pub I’d ever seen. I think it was called The Cambie [2015 Me interjection: according to Mathieu Y from Vancouver, per Yelp website, opined mid last year that The Cambie is “still probably one of the worst places to hang out in Vancouver”] and looked like something off the set of the film From Dusk Til Dawn. I was half expecting a washed up Cheech Marin reciting the lines “we got White pussy, Black pussy, Latino pussy, Sloppy pussy” but alas not on this particular evening. John decided to hightail it shortly after we got there.

Dave and I were determined to make the most of what was on offer, which might be what made us approach two of the loveliest ladies in the place. Their names were Heather and Sirena and they both had generous ta-ta’s [2015 Me interjection: Yep. I wrote that]. They were playing cards at the table and we joined in. It started off with us all seated on the same side; Sirena was on the far left, Heather was next to her. Soon enough, Sirena was next to me. The Cambie closed and we all headed to a place called the Luv-a-fair. It was retro 80s night so John would’ve loved it. I got True Faith by New Order played, which was a highlight. I was as soused as a motherfucker by this stage, so what did I do? I bought Sirena, Dave and myself a shot of liquor each. Dave and Sirena had tequila, I had a B52. Soon after, Dave was nowhere to be found. By this stage, Sirena and I were getting quite intimate on the dance floor. I still couldn’t see Dave so we both had a look for him. He was in the toilet and the bouncer was speaking to him. I went in and checked it out. Dave had vomited and was getting kicked out. That shit never happens in Australia [2015 Me interjection: Pretty sure it did then, and does now]. We tried to reason with the guy but he wouldn’t have it. So Dave was exited from the premises. I went outside as well, really pissed off. We had what I thought was guaranteed pussy. Dave sensed that I was onto a good thing so he said to go back without him. I felt kind of bad but I wanted to feel Sirena’s ass some more so I did what I felt was right.

When I re-entered the club, she was happy to see me and it was back on. To my surprise, Dave came back in, twenty Canadian dollars lighter for his trouble. He actually paid off the dickhead bouncer to get back in. Heather was no longer interested in Dave because he threw up [2015 Me interjection: Note to self: vomit is not an aphrodisiac]. Sirena, on the other hand, was dripping to wet my dock [2015 Me interjection: I can defend this very weird turn of phrase. No really, I can. I was obsessed with movies back then, and still am. I would quote my favourites often, and use them in journals that I would publish fourteen years later, apparently. This was a line from the 1999 film, Magnolia. It was a line that Frank TJ Mackey used, portrayed by Tom Cruise]. She’s the best kisser I’ve ever had the pleasure of kissing. At about 2:30am we left the club, bound for the girls house. The taxi ride was interesting. Dave was drunk as hell and kept saying “God bless you” to the taxi driver. We ended up at Sirena’s house; Dave and Heather left soon after. That left me and Sirena alone. I kissed her neck and ear and she made the most sexy noises. I pulled the strap of her bra down and kissed her naked breast. She was a generous D-cup and I was in funbag heaven. Unfortunately she wasn’t feeling well and wanted to sleep so we called it a night. She called me a taxi and we kissed each other good night. We swapped emails and promised to contact one another. It would be nice if she visits Australia like she says she will.

I got back to the hostel at around 4am. John was waiting for us but Dave was nowhere to be found. I was very drunk and needed sleep more than anything. I retired to my bed and actually prayed that Dave wouldn’t show up so I could get some shuteye.

OCTOBER 24th, 2001

He showed up. We got to Vancouver airport and I felt the worst I have ever felt in my life [2015 Me interjection: I’ve always been prone to adding drama where it isn’t warranted. I got chickenpox at 14, and was terribly sick for two weeks. Pretty sure that trumps a garden variety hangover]. I’d had an hour’s sleep, I was still drunk and it was 7:30 in the morning. I had a four-hour flight ahead of me at 8:30am. Things were not good. We had decent seats on the plane, right at the back. We were in the middle but I moved to a double window seat and attempted to sleep. I was successful for a brief period but woke occasionally to almost vomit. I felt so fucking seedy. The flight sailed by and soon enough we were in Montreal. It took almost an hour to get from the airport to downtown Montreal. The city itself is huge, much bigger than I expected it to be. The hostel is in a beautiful area. We had a quick stroll in the downtown area, got some food and called it a night. I badly needed sleep.

OCTOBER 25th, 2001

Took a walk around Montreal today. The city is French, much more French than I expected. It’s French first, English second, and I expected it to be predominantly English-speaking. At night we went out with the hostel group, which I wasn’t keen on doing but did anyway. The first port of call was this dark pub in the Latin Quarter. This place had the sexiest girl I have ever seen, she was the barmaid. The place wasn’t very good though. We then went to an underground pub that had a band called Fry that Boot playing [2015 Me interjection: according to the bands Tripod hosted website, they have had 2,809 views since April 4th, 2001. They also have a new website coming soon]. There were these cute French girls there, we learned some compliments in French and tried them out on the local talent. We went to a place that had cheap Labatt but no atmosphere at all. We didn’t stay long.

After that it was off to another underground bar. A British guy and a Canadian girl from the hostel were there. He was trying desperately to pick her up, and failing miserably. Dave caught her eye and we all ended up walking home with her. We stopped in at McDonalds and this homeless guy came and sat next to us. I was in no mood for tomfoolery so I told him to fuck off. I threatened to throw my fries at him. John was doubled over laughing his balls off at this odd exchange.